Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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