why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
