I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize