Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
