I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
