Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
