i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
