im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
