wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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