i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
