When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
