party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
