A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He felt like a one man threesome
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
