No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
