he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
