Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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