Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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