Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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