Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
