you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize