Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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