WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
