Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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