I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
