we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
