you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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