its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
