I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
