I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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