I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
