my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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