If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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