dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Less talking, more tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
