im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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