It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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