3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
