Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you had me at cake vodka
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
