Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
