drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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