Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dick very happy bro
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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