I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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