the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
