you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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