I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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