There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
