I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
