and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
