That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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