so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
