Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
