somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
