OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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