I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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