There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize