In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You left your phone here
Wait...
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