I got chris browned last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I met the friendliest cop last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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