I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
