i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
