genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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