She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
