I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
