I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My life is pants optional.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
