If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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