I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize